The Wedding Readings

These were the two readings read out by Natalie and Nick at our wedding.

The readings take the form of an exchange of letters between Marcus Calixtus and Titus Lucretius Carus.

(Note to Scholars: please note that these are not real letters, I wrote them based on the writings of Lucretius and the fragments of Epicurus, with some other stuff thrown in.)

(Note to random google visitors: feel free to use these readings for your own humanist or secular wedding, subject to the creative commons license that governs this site.)

This reading is taken from a letter written by a Roman citizen and amateur philosopher, Marcus Calixtus, to the famous poet and Epicurean, Titus Lucretius.

Dear Titus

On this fine winter’s afternoon, I find myself compelled to write to you concerning love and marriage.

This is not for myself you understand, my own married life could not be closer to perfection, but I write to you on behalf of two friends who turned up at my villa today seeking guidance.

It transpires that this couple are soon to be married, and require some words of wisdom to be read out at the ceremony. I suppose they feel this will give some intellectual weight to the occasion, and of course I was only too pleased to help them.

I feel compelled to quote Aristotle’s words: “One swallow does not make a summer, nor does one day; and so too one day, or a short time, does not make a man blessed and happy.”

By this I mean a wedding may well be a special day spent with family and friends, all fine words, decent food and a great deal of wine; but a marriage is a lifetime.

This makes it something more than a transaction, although that dry old stick Cicero would have you believe that there is something pure about a legal edifice wrapped in the words of a binding contract.

The words that bind these two people to each other are not simply those spoken on the day, they are the words, thoughts and deeds of a lifetime together.

So what is the missing ingredient? What is the immutable essence that attracts people to each other, and once together holds them to one shared existence? Can there be a force that defies rational description and is yet definable or measurable?

“One word frees us from all the weight and pain of life; and that word is love” wrote Sophocles, so I submit that love is the powerful alchemist, and as base metals may be turned to gold, so individuals can become lovers, and lovers become families.

Thus can one use the ancients to define marriage and find words to describe love.

However, I submit that love cannot be easily rationalised to suit Plato, nor held to a calibrated standard to suit Aristotle, so how can it be described to an assembled throng of friends and family in a manner that will spread warmth and good feeling?

I await your thoughts on the matter,

Your obedient servant,

Marcus Calixtus

This reading is taken from a letter written by the famous poet and Epicurean, Titus Lucretius, to the his friend and amateur philosopher, Marcus Calixtus.

Dear Marcus

Your thoughts on love and marriage are interesting, but you may be in danger of taking yourself a little too seriously, which is fine for the philosopher but somewhat tedious for everyone else.

Remember that Aristotle did point out that the most rational man is he who would be the happiest. To be happy is therefore a rational response to the desire to rationalise everything. What hope is there for mankind if people see fit to rationalise their way into marriage, argue themselves some children, and allocate their love to each other and their kin according to logical proportions?

The concept 'love' is irreducible, a self-evident state of affairs that warrants no further intellectual intrusion. Therefore, allow me to suggest a homily for your newly wedded couple:

Do not let love linger unseen, a hidden part of you that once blessed your actions but is now taken for granted, like the breath in your body and the food on your plate. Instead, adorn your love with the beauty of kind deeds and noble sentiments. Be lavish with your praise, and frugal with your desire to understand all, explain all, and generally know all.

It is better to wake each morning, see the sun flatter the world with light, and think of what the new day will bring for each other, rather than consider how your own affairs may be encouraged to yield more profit.

A marriage bound by love transcends material concerns, and you may find that the requirements of a marriage are few indeed, no more than to banish pain, and also to spread out some pleasures for yourselves. What does it matter if the hall does not sparkle with silver and gleam with gold, and no carved or gilded rafters ring to the music of the lute?

A good marriage does not miss these luxuries, when you can recline in company on the soft grass by a running stream, under the branches of a tall tree, and refresh your bodies pleasurably at small expense. Better still if the weather smiles on you and the season of the year stipples the green grass with flowers.

Thus marriage is more than a contract, it is a state of mind, settled in the present with no need for fancy words and endless philosophy.

Lastly, reflect on the words of Epicurus. When he was asked what the secret of a long and happy life was, he replied:

“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”

With best wishes for a successful wedding,

Titus Lucretius.